Still Alive
by Cerise Murmur
Summary: Ending of RENT through the eyes of Mark. Does he still have feelings for Maureen? And how he feels about being the one of the only ones to survive? Mark rambles, songfic. Rated T for language.


**Another songfic? Yes, please. Song is "Still Alive" from Portal. This song is excellent, I would definately advise youtubing this shit. :D Enjoy, I liebe reviews!**

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_This was a triumph, I'm making a note here, huge success, it's hard to overstate my satisfaction, _

It was done! Complete, finally. The last year of my life…slaving day in and day out on this piece…and it was done, I couldn't even begin to contemplate it. This year had been a long one, so much had happened.

_Aperture science, we do what we must, because we can._

Breakups, hookups, deaths, separation, unity. And I was still here, alone. But I had this…my pride, my project, the sum of a whole year. And it was perfect.

_For the good of all of us, except the ones that are dead. _

I just wish Angel was here to see this…she would've loved it. I can imagine her tearing up and hugging me in only the way a drag queen does. Putting everything into that hug and not using restraint.

_But there's no sense crying over every mistake, you just keep on trying till' you run out of cake._

But Angel wouldn't have wanted me to see it like that, she would have wanted me to say "At least I have friends that are here to see this finished" and I did, and they were coming over right now. Wine and beer and love and warmth.

_And the science gets done, and we make a neat gun, for the people who are still alive…_

I looked out my balcony and into the crowded New York street, suddenly feeling a pang of longing in my stomach for Mimi, she was still out there somewhere…alone, cold, maybe even dead. We had been looking…of course we had, but no luck…I couldn't help but fear the worst. I heard the phone ring, pulling me out of my troubled thoughts.

_I'm not even angry, I'm being so sincere right now, even though you broke my heart and killed me, _

It was Maureen. I couldn't help but feel my face flush and my knees weaken at the sound of her voice. God, I still loved her so much, but my love was so wasted. She was so in love…and I was so in love, and isn't that the way it always is?

_And tore me to pieces, and threw every piece into a fire,_

It wasn't bad enough that she left me…but left me for another woman, it made me feel like I had done this, turned her into a lesbian.

_And as they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you…_

I was glad she was happy…even as she told me that her and Joanne were running late, but they'd be here, they promise they would be. And I really liked Joanne…I really did.

_Now these points of data make a beautiful line,_

I clicked the phone back into its cradle just as I heard shouting from downstairs.

"It's Collins man! Throw down the key!" I couldn't help but smile as I pulled the key out of my pocket and threw it down to him, and I even heard myself jokingly shout, "Don't get your ass kicked this time!"

_And we're out of beta, we're releasing on time. _

I embraced Collins as I called for Roger over my shoulder. He had just gotten back, and his presence was welcomed greatly. Now we were just waiting…for Joanne and Maureen, they failed to say just how late they were going to be.

_So I'm glad I got burned, think of all the things we learned for the people who are still alive_.

I popped the top of the bottle that Collins handed me gratefully, the alcohol that settled in my gut felt wonderful. I felt the familiar warmth already starting to bubble in my stomach.

_Go ahead and leave me, I think I prefer to stay inside, _

And then there were frantic screams coming from downstairs, "Mark! Marrrrkkkkk!!!"

The three of us rushed to the balcony and looked down, only to see a very distraught looking Maureen and Joanne carrying a very dead looking Mimi. Before I heard what Maureen said Roger and I were rushing for the door, almost tripping each other in our haste to get downstairs.

_Maybe you'll find someone else to help you…_

Roger took Mimi gently in his arms, the compassion in his eyes almost killing me. Maureen was crying, without thinking I wrapped my arms around her. Joanne smiled weakly at me and followed Roger through the door. I helped Maureen inside, her head resting heavily on my shoulder.

_Maybe Black Mesa, that was a joke, HA HA, fat chance._

I felt my heart swell as her curls tickled my neck, the familiar sensation almost being too much to bear. When we emerged back into the loft my heart jumped and crashed to the bottom of my stomach. I had almost forgotten about Mimi…Roger had her lying on a table with a small blanket over her. She was shivering violently, thin wisps of white fog were choppily coming from her mouth.

_Anyway, this cake is great, it's so delicious and moist. _

I couldn't help my eyes from straying over to Maureen and Joanne…they had their arms wrapped around each other and they were gazing in horror at Mimi. Roger looked like he was going to fall apart and I could feel my heart breaking from the irony of what was supposed to be a fun evening.

_Look at me still talking when there's science to do, when I look out there it makes me glad I'm not you._

Fuck. I couldn't stop looking at them. At her. I was vaguely aware that Roger was singing…that Mimi was dying and I couldn't take my eyes off of this woman…this woman that broke my heart more than something should ever be broken without dying. And I heard the song die off and a sob coming from Roger, I felt the sob stab into me, and I felt myself push it away, not being able to take what I was about to turn back too.

_I've experiments to run, there is research to be done for the people that are still alive._

Mimi was fine…in my own selfish haze it had taken me far too long to realize that. And she wanted to see it…the project, my masterpiece.

_And believe me I am still alive,_

I started up the old projector and for the first time saw it…my work on a semi large surface. I swelled with pride just as I felt Collin's arm around my shoulders. It was a beautiful moment.

_I'm doing science and I'm still alive,_

I looked at Mimi and Roger and Maureen and Joanne. And I was happy for them…I was sadder for myself, but this project wasn't about being selfish…this project was about friendship.

_I feel fantastic and I'm still alive,_

I felt like this is where I belonged, like without these people my world was nothing, that without them…going on would be pointless.

_And when you're dying I'll be still alive, _

I knew our time together was short…and I knew that I was the one that would survive…me and Joanne. The irony was killing me.

_And when you're dead I'll be still alive, _

And I would live, and I would move on, because I was moving on, and it hurt, but the pain was nothing compared to what it was going to be, and I was strong…I could handle it. I was here, it was now, and nothing was tomorrow, everything was today. No day but today.

_Still alive, still alive._


End file.
